Friday, February 23, 2007

Thursday, February 22, 2007

closed until further notice

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Legal Work

I am leaving my job at the [unnamed monolithic agency] to move to Boston in order to go work at the firm depicted in the ABC television show Boston Legal.

They go to felony trials the same week that the client commits the act, or is charged; they have gigantic corporate litigation based on the testimony of one witness; and the lawyers don’t elicit testimony or introduce evidence, but instead make dramatic, incendiary speeches during openings, direct questioning, cross-examination, and . . . just about every time they open their mouths.

PLUS everybody humps like crazy bunny rabbits, and they all seem fabulously wealthy.

It seems a decent gig. . .

Vote! Please!

Miz Chris reminds me that voting for our friend and admired comic Chris Coccia continues, but ends, this week.

PLEASE go HERE and look for Chris Coccia, and vote online.

One punch of a button [or mouse, if you prefer] could put real money in the pocket of a real good, and FUNNY, guy.

Thanks. . .

Tuesday, February 20, 2007


After Tom did all that work, the Dirnt is a peach; although he'd like lower action, it does the trick for ol' Thunderhead Dunderhead here.

But I am fearful -- I gotta get used to the thing. But with the metal plate under the volume and tone knobs, I'm fearful that the stock chrome knurled knobs may be better, and certainly more appropriate, than the black speed knobs.

I'm sure that both the non-players and the players alike respond with a resounding "who gives a shit?" !

Monday, February 19, 2007


I don't need Viagra to fuck, but

I sure wish they'd come up with something like it to enhance the practice of law.

Lawyer-dysfunction. . . .
i now use this blog to ejaculate inchoate thoughts and see what sticks.

Ummmm; sticky ejaculate.

What a country!

Two Great Vs -- Thums Up!!

Volver and Venus are amazingly thoughtful, well-made movies. Different feels, different languages, but they speak the language of film, and love, perfectly.

Not necessarily romantic love, but love.

Venus is so much more than its blurbs would make it seem. . .

Peter O'Toole gives an amazing performance in Venus. An amazing film acting performance.

If the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences gives him an award for best actor, it will be well-deserved.

A Four-Day Weekend Comes To An End

Mr. B: [as Curly] I try to think but nothin' happens ...

Mr. w: Nyuk nyuk nyuk . . .[BONK] . . . OOOeeeOOh!

Mr. B: Tomorrow comes the bonk.

Mr. w: Tomorrow Comes The Bonk -- your autobiography.

myoosical myoosings

I enjoy Joe's little Coma Girl.

took a little roadtrip. Saw a little JaZZ.

Ate a huge steak.

Well, skip the steak part.
Great shredded wheat.

What csn you say when a guitarist is fabulous and the guitar player tomanonymous leans over and whispers "I wish they'd let the piano player take over. . ."?

You can say the piano player rawked.

In fact, the guys born in the late 1920s TOTALLY rawked over the guys born in the late '60s.

Jimmy Cobb, who led Cobb's Mob to Charm City to school us.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

The Jestaplero Joins The Fray

The Jestaplero can now be found offering his thoughts on the world and on large, juicy breasts [go Popeye's!!] by going to, which is known to all who visit as Jestaplero.

God Bless Charles Barkley

Friday, February 16, 2007

SAT 2007

Dubster is to _______________ as Ryan Leaf is to football."

A. reticence
B. relationships
C. romance
D. all of the above

Athletes I'd Like To Ball, No. 2

Mia Hamm

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy . . . .

You know, that tomanonymous was right.

The recent Rudy VanGelder remasters of classic jazz albums [almost all of which he originally recorded in the 50s/60s] are fucking amazing, and of the four I can compare, are drastically superior to the previous CD releases.

Not sure if tomanoymous is right that I can hear it on mp3s, but . . . .
I may be fat
but I
not to keep that
from affecting

Grandchildren of the Mule!

Congratulations go out to frequent lurker and occasional participant, Carol B., on the birth of Joshua Tanner W*******!

He is the first official grandchild of the Mouth of the Mule [indeed, he's only the second baby featured, Johnny Rootenburg taking first baby honours].

Check out this precious little boy, and join me in in wishing her and him a joyous future!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Don't Forget To Vote!

If you would PLEASE be so kind: Go HERE and vote for
Chris Coccia

One of the good guys, and a hilarious stand-up comdeian.

Or comedian, if you prefer well-typed stuff. . . .

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I Am So Goddamned Proud

Evolution. . . .

For years, I shoved my hand into the pot of boiling water, always expecting it to turn out fine.

I eventually realized that it had hurt in the past, but I knew that this time, it would turn out differently.

Hah. I grow.

This year, I stuck my hand into the pot of boiling water, and I expected it to turn out fine.

But I knew I was stupid while I was doing it.

THAT's progress . . .


Since 2005:


As always, this is a conservative estimate of consumption, but is calculated using a retail price [not "on-sale"] of Cuervo as sold by the Va. Alcoholic Beverage Control authorities. Actual consumption and expenses would almost certainly have been significantly higher. YMMV.
you know, there's nothing that can kill the libido more than overexposure to "softcore" porn, the crap that airs on Cinemax and Showtime on late-night cable.

okay; that's hyperbole -- a LOT of thing can kill the libido a LOT faster.

But gahd is that stuff a waste of time.

Except when it's not.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Thums Up for Factory Girl

It is self-consciously self-conscious, and it struggles at times to give weight to someone who was weightless, but
Factory Girl still gets a Thums-Up! from this dead critic.

The acting seems uniformly good. Christian as Dylan makes me want to vomit, until watching him as this strange vessel [Dylan] is wholly captivating, making me forget that this bad actor [probably inaccurate] is portraying a character in a film.

Dylan is a strange empty suit in real life [at least as he exposes himself], so this isn't really a disconcerting portrayal.

I coulda used a mot more nudity from Sienna Miller, but that would be quibbling.

Deserved quibbling, mind you. But that would be beneath me.

by the way, I also have a new favourite actor.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Presidential Addresses

We shall do our share in defending peace and freedom in the world. But we shall expect others to do their share. 14
The time has passed when America will make every other nation's conflict our own, or make every other nation's future our responsibility, or presume to tell the people of other nations how to manage their own affairs. 15
Just as we respect the right of each nation to determine its own future, we also recognize the responsibility of each nation to secure its own future. 16
Just as America's role is indispensable in preserving the world's peace, so is each nation's role indispensable in preserving its own peace. 17
Together with the rest of the world, let us resolve to move forward from the beginnings we have made. Let us continue to bring down the walls of hostility which have divided the world for too long, and to build in their place bridges of understanding—so that despite profound differences between systems of government, the people of the world can be friends.

I guess we sorta forgot this. . . .

I am a huge fan of the Cafe Americano.

While i enjoy espresso immensely, there is just too little liquid there for my guzzling American palate. yet the espresso taste is readily distinguishable from convetional coffes, even the exotic brews. To the rescue -- the americano. More hot water added to that delicious taste.

yes; it's a diluted taste. But the taste is still there after a long guzzle. And that's what I go for -- quantity, not quality.
some men are just born pessimists

how could anyone predict 100 + losses for a team whose ace picked up


victory last year?

Pitchers and Catchers report Tom'w

Thanks to Barry Svrluga, who yesterday reminded us, through his WaPo article, what Nats fans have to look forward to this year:

But the pitching? Sort it out. There are 38 pitchers on the roster. And while the relief corps is likely to be one of the Nationals' strengths -- anchored by closer Cordero and featuring the return of setup man Luis Ayala from elbow surgery -- the rotation consists of right-hander John Patterson and a bunch of guys at opposite ends of the spectrum, either trying to establish careers or resuscitate them. Take the 17 or so contenders to start, put the names in a hat, shake them up and -- presto! -- out comes Washington's rotation.

* * *

"I've never been to a spring training where we knew who one of the five was going to be, and he won one game and made eight starts last year." [Jim Bowden, Nats GM]

Here's the guy I'm rooting for: Jason Simontacchi.

Why not -- he's about as likely to succeed as any of the other guys. . .

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Fuck Me, Could This Guy Play . . . !

Fats Navarro,
Royal Roost, NYC, 1948

I Tell Ya, It's Like God Is Speaking Through Me . . .

She was a good Christian girl,

except for the part

about sucking my dick in the car after dark

While her husband was looking for a place to park

so he could watch her . . .

The new album is coming along swimmingly!

Friday, February 09, 2007

One of the worst days I've ever spent at this job.

nothing to blame; just awful.

I emphasized "the" in honour of my father, who is dead. If he were aliove and uttering that sentence, he would have emphasized "the" rather than "worst," just because he could . . .
Okay, you were right: "Mission Accomplished."

Now, just say "oops," and get out. . . .

But kill more militiamen first. lots more.

So that we don't have to fight them here

Thursday, February 08, 2007

them japs

Toyota can't keep their power steering in order.

I give 'em six weeks . . .


zoom, zoom, zoom

eludehcS noitibihxE ehT

Nationals' preseason games on MASN:

March 3, 1:05 p.m. -- Orioles at Nationals

March 8, 1:05 p.m. -- Astros at Nationals

March 9, 1:05 p.m. -- Nationals at Orioles

March 12, 1:05 p.m. -- Mets at Nationals

March 21, 7:05 p.m. -- Braves at Nationals

March 27, 7:05 p.m. -- Mets at Nationals

March 30, 2:05 p.m. -- Nationals at Orioles, Norfolk, Va.

March 31, 1:05 p.m. -- Orioles at Nationals, RFK Stadium

Starlets With Bigge . . . Oooops.

Boy, you start a series one minute, and you've gotta go back to the R.I.P. Series the next . . .

R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith.

For Mister Parker

Julie Newmar must be nearby . . .

The Dubster And His Honey At Play

and here's tom's work in the actual Office Depot commercial:

Jay Leno Puts Tom Allen To Work . . .

I was enjoying the commercial quite a bit, but I like Leno's take better.

And for me to write like and Leno in the same sentence is amazing . . .

Other than like to see XXX dead . . ."

WT Woodson just RawKs, baby!

Bye Bye Tige

Tige Andrews, R.I.P.

a hero of mine, who performed in the broadway production of
mister roberts


You can now read online Shindig.

Starlets With Bigger Tits Thyan Mine, No. 2

This could be a very short series . . .

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Vote For Coccia

Okay -- here's the deal. Chris Coccia is one of the funniest men walking the earth. He makes his living as a comedian.

meaning he's also a masochist. but I digress . . .

Every joint in the world, from Comedy Central to Purina, uses comedians to sell their products.

Please go to the Pet Comedy Challenge and vote for Chris Coccia's video. Help this fine human being.

even if you can't see the video, vote for him.

Vote for him every day until this challenge is over.


Mastering by a Master

I always knew that mastering is crucial -- musicians pay a shitload of attention to their mixes [or producers do, if they've wrested control from the musicians -- as they should], but don't spend the money for a good mastering job. I learned that in the eighties, and the money spent on Greg Calbi struck me as one of the best bargains, dare I say it, "investments," made by a young DIY record company.

But I've had a hard time understanbding how "mastering" works in the digital age -- how it is different from just taking a macro view of the mixing process.

I don't know a goddamned thing more about it than I did yesterday, or last week. I don't know what the fuck mastering guys do, except use judicious ears to fine-tune eq to get the most out of a recording.

But I do know that my entirely fortuitous purchase of a used CD while in Missouri taught me a lot. I bought a volume of hits from 1976, hoping to use "afternoon Delight" or "You Are The Woman [That I've Always Dreamed of]" as a gag on one of my nascent podcasts.

Well, I saw that Joe Sasfy had produced it. A careful look confirmed that the collection was a Time-Life Collection digitally remastered by Steve Carr at Hit and Run.

I knew that Steve had hung a few Platinum albums up on his wall, and also knew that they were a result of his work on the Time-Life series.

i figuredthat he'd done digital conversions, and I knew that he'd done a solid, professional job [unless he'd been dropped on his head] because he is just a good, solid engineer and producer.

But I'll be GodDAMNed if the CD doesn't sound just . . . freakin fantastic!

Big, booming bass, crystal clear high end, pop, sizzle -- I run out of nouns and adjectives. It just sounds great.

And this is sourced from, at best, 1970s masters. And the Lou Rawls and Starland Vocal Band tracks [hell, the KC and the Sunshine Band track] didn't probably come from the absolute top fucking notch studios -- they may have been major label stuff [although I'm not sure about the first KC Record, or the SVB], but not the highest-budegeted acts in the world. But rather than revealing "limitations" of the original recordings, the remaster revealed some damned fine sound.

i still don't know how CD mastering really works, and I don't wanna look it up.

I'd prefer to remain under the impression that it's PFM.


Preparing For the Post-War World. . .

I am glad that someone, namely David Ignatius, finally got around to voicing a strong suggestion that I've been wanting to offer the powers that be [if only they'd listen to me]: start preparing for the worst. I think these guys and gals up in the Senate, in the House, in the White House, and in the pentagon have got to spend a little less time posturing, worrying about blame, and [inevitably] focusing on political outcomes, because this really will be a crucial matter of national security; it indeed is. Every time one 'a these bastardos explains that "this is the issue of our time," and "that it is crucial that we address this all-important issue," I want to bang heads -- addressing the issue is crucial, not announcing the critical nature of the problem.

The latest National Intelligence Estimate is grim. We accept that it will be bad no matter what happens; we have choices of bad outcomes. It's time to make those choices.

I'm not qualified to make them, but I like Ignatius's thoughts, and I think he at least keeps the bastards focused.

God Bless America. Now let's go do the best that we can.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

tonight's feature on TCM is The Big Country.

adapted from the book by Donald Hamilton [who also worked on the adaptation], author of Death of a Citizen, in which he created Matt Helm.

burl ives picked up a statue for his work here . . .

Technical Challenges Have Precluded
Comment Publication.

Sorry to Mark Twain,
Lupner, and


Pitchers and catchers report in eight days and twenty-three hours [actually, less than that . . ]

Monday, February 05, 2007

I have been incommunicado for a while, traveling and banging cocktail waitress and whatknot.

Whatknot? Viaduct?

I not only have forsaken trying to write for amusement; I no longer seek even to amuse MySELF!

I just post to remind myself that I h=still have a penis.

I think...

I have been incommunicado for a while, traveling and banging cocktail waitress and whatknot.

Whatknot? Viaduct?

I not only have forsaken trying to write for amusement; I no longer seek even to amuse MySELF!

I just post to remind myself that I h=still have a penis.

I think...

I have been incommunicado for a while, traveling and banging cocktail waitress and whatknot.

Whatknot? Viaduct?

I not only have forsaken trying to write for amusement; I no longer seek even to amuse MySELF!

I just post to remind myself that I h=still have a penis.

I think...
Goddamned Army Jeep!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

When i gt back from the frozen midwest, i will complain. . . .

Friday, February 02, 2007

add a "? to that last post.

Goddamned blogger
fucking "blogger" is tryong to upgrade me.

upgrade me right out of existence.

google -- your "improvements" are killing me

Hey -- why is it that turning 80 is like having a giant sign hung around your neck:  "victimize me!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

This thing is

deader than a door nail.

Or a doorknob.

Or a knob job.

Whatever . . .